I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
