i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
