I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
