throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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