well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
