Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
