Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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