i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We got so high we made milksteak
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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