The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
