i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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