that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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