She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
