You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
