The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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