I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
