I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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