i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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