The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think I died a long time ago.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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