Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
