I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
