i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Randomize
