Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
