too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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