I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
