I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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