You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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