standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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