thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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