Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
