Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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