whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
