I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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