Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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