I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
