after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
