I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
