something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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