Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
