im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
