So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
