Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize