I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
