I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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