i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
