just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
