apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
