i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
