Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
