dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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