so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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