If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize