I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His nipple licking is glorious
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