he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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