i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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