I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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