nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
