My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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