JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
