STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
