Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
this hospital has no fireball
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
