If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
