she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
