yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
