dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
