Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize