im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
