I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
