thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
