So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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