Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
