Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
