im about as happy as oj after his trial
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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