I will die if light touches me.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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