im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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